Below is the closing address I gave at this year’s BostonFIG Fest Figgie Awards
Thank you so much for coming to the eighth annual BostonFIG Fest. This year we have had over three thousand human individuals participating with this event; making or supporting indie game creation. I can’t even begin to express how much that means to me.
Today I want to talk about something rather personal, which probably means I’ll cry so bear with me. I want to talk about why games are so important to me.
My whole life I’ve been different. Weird. My mom used to say I was from Jupiter. I didn’t think like most people. I didn’t fit in well with the other girls my age. My insides didn’t match my outsides.
I started making games in visual basic when I was a preteen, then doing modding on the Apple II using a level editor. When the internet became more ubiquitous, I stared roleplaying in online game chats and forums. It was there that I first found the freedom to be able to be anyone that I wanted to be.
And I wanted to be a boy.
When I first joined the games industry, I received a lot of attention for being a quote “woman in games”. The label made me itch and I didn’t understand why. I got frustrated being invited to be on panels to share a “woman’s perspective” or being asked “what do women want in a game”. I didn’t know. I felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Like at any minute, I’d be figured out. I didn’t want to be a woman in games, I just wanted to be a person.
GameLoop 2016 was the first time I said out loud that I am genderqueer. We were talking about gender identity and games, and how games provide a medium for us to be able to explore and express those parts of ourselves safely, without the persistent fear of backlash or hatred that so many queer people experience in daily life. I felt safe, in that room, in this community, sharing that part of myself. I want everyone to get to feel that way. Everyone deserves to feel that way, especially those who have been marginalized.
It’s been a long process, getting my insides to match my outsides. Some might say I’ve changed, but I don’t think I have at all. I think that I’m just free, now. Free from fear of judgement or shame about my truth. Games gave me that— the power to become. The power to transform. The power to be brave, and to be hopeful.
And I think they can do that for anyone. In times when things can seem so dark, games give us a space where we can imagine together— what might it be like if there were a little more light?
I hope that you felt some of that light shining through here today; I know I have. I wouldn’t be who I am without the support of this community, and I hope I’ve payed it forward. Thank you for being here, and for being you.